Stuff I’ll Miss in the MLB’s Shortened Season

Taking a look at some of the things we'll miss this strange season.

With only a few days left before baseball begins, now’s the perfect time to reflect on this upcoming 60 game slate of MLB games. It’s easy to get lost in the giddiness and excitement of having an actual competitive season after so much uncertainty throughout this pandemic.

Hell, we need sports in our lives. We need baseball. We need filthy strikeouts and smooth double plays. Incredible no-hitters and clutch walk-off hits. We need baseball to take our minds off the current world and back into the world of fandom. To cheer for something dear to us. Something that has somehow always been in our lives. To get that hint of competition, team spirit, and pride in your real-life team and your fantasy team. But I think it’s also a perfect moment for all of us in the baseball-loving community to get a glimpse of what we’ll also be missing this season.

With strict guidelines and regulations to follow in this COVID-stricken world, baseball will surely be a tad light on the usual charm and traditions it has to offer. And while it’s definitely a tough pill to swallow, here’s some stuff that I’ll be missing this season.

 

No More High-Fives

High-fives: standard or personalized. Low-fives and side-fives. Fist bumps and Butt slaps.  We get them in a multitude of variations, but a high five is something dear to baseball fans and players. Whether it precedes a dope strikeout, a clutch hit, a cool play, or anything exciting (hell, I high five my friends anytime a squirrel interrupts a play). The inning ends and the players and fans alike, all relish in their joy with a high five. Unfortunately, this season, due to minimal contact we can expect, there’s a lot of uncertainty on if high fives will be around in the 2020 shortened season.

Goodbye High Fives.

 

 

 

No More Pitchers Licking Their Fingers 

Just about every pitcher in the majors has a habit of licking their fingers before a big pitch. It’s a tick that shows the world that’s watching, “Hey, this is a huge moment.”

Anyways, bye-bye finger licking.

 

No More Hecklers in the Outfield Bleachers

There are usually a few times a season where a clip goes somewhat viral of fans in either the left field or right field bleachers heckling the opposing corner outfielders. These fans are sometimes funny, sometimes annoying, sometimes cringy. But, almost assuredly…they’re wasted drunk. It’s a lot of fun.

Goodbye Heckling fans.

 

No More Fans Freaking Out Behind the Net 

Similarly, almost once a week MLB Network will highlight a few casual fans that not only have seats directly behind home plate, but they also happen to be texting/browsing on their phones from the 2nd to the 8th inning. It’s in these moments when any foul ball hit back towards them will catch them off guard, causing them to react hysterically before remembering that there’s a safety net protecting them from an inevitable stray ball to the face.

Welp, goodbye to those people.

 

No More Spitting Sunflower Seeds

We’re still a bit iffy on whether or not sunflower seeds are being allowed or not. Baseball just won’t feel the same with the absence of those amazing seeds full of delicious flavor. No matter what though, there won’t be any sharing or excessive spitting.

I say good riddance.

 

 

Or Spitting…Anything

 

 

No More Home Run Scavengers

These guys are fun!

 

 

No More Pies in the Face After a Memorable Walk-Off

For teams that do shaving cream pies, this is probably for the best.

 

…or Anything in the Face After a Memorable Walk-Off

 

 

No More Puig Licking His Bat

…hopefully.

 

 

 

 

No More Teens Running onto the Field 

Bellinger will finally be able to field in peace. But some of us will miss these insane moments.

 

No More Pitchers Hitting :(

Goodnight, sweet prince. Here’s to NL pitchers hitting in 2021.

On the bright side—we are getting a season, limited or not. And even limited baseball is better than no baseball. So, with that, let’s all suck it up and get ready for some baseball!

 

Featured image by Alyssa Buckter

Dave Fisher

WLB and Anti-list (RIP). LA native, UCSB alum, Dodgers diehard, and fan of all things comedy. I write silly baseball articles, satire, and comedy scripts. I have watched way too much TV for my own good.

  • Avatar James Kiley says:

    I love and appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not even sure we can even finish the season.

    I damn well hope so though, I got Trout in the 3rd round!

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