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Sprinkled With Jimmies

Tonight’s opening blurb is going to be weird. Why? Because I really really want to hammer home that you should not still be holding onto James Shields. Yes you in that weird league....

Tonight’s opening blurb is going to be weird. Why? Because I really really want to hammer home that you should not still be holding onto James Shields. Yes you in that weird league. I don’t care what rules you have, just go and drop him. He just went 5.0 IP, 6 ER, 9 Hits, 4 BBs, 1 Ks as his ERA soars to 5.45 with a 4.00 BB/9 and you just have to let go. Sorry for the rest of y’all that aren’t a part of the problem in 37.2% of ESPN leagues (Yeah, I know), but this just needs to be reinforced like my roof’s shingles. Don’t spend more getting the problem fixed later on, make the sacrifices now.

Let’s see what every other SP did yesterday:

Max Scherzer – 7.0 IP, 1 ER, 2 Hits, 0 BBs, 11 Ks. Aces gonna ace. Okay, now it’s getting harder to figure out the Top 8 again.  THANKS A LOT SCHERZER.

Edinson Volquez – 7.0 IP, 0 ER, 2 Hits, 4 BBs, 3 Ks. Ugh, he’s still too all over the place to trust long term. I’m fine with the occasional stream, but it looks like he’s getting snatched it every league, so I’d just avoid him and go with another guy. Preferably one without a 3.42 BB/9. I understand if you need a rebound stud and you may lower your standards but you can do better.

Jerad Eickhoff – 6.0 IP, 0 ER, 3 Hits, 4 BBs, 5 Ks. I’m impressed with Eickhoff as this came against the mighty Jays. I still have my cautions – especially with four walks tonight – but I was probably a bit harsh in today’s edition of The List.

Zack Greinke – 7.0 IP, 2 ER, 7 Hits, 2 BBs, 6 Ks. Over his last 8 starts, Greinke has a 2.57 ERA, a 7.88 K/9, a 1.61 BB/9 in 56 innings (7 Innings Per Start). Anyone still believe he’s not back?

R.A. Dickey – 6.1 IP, 3 ER, 5 Hits, 2 BBs, 4 Ks. Dickey told me he was the best knuckleballer around.  HA. What does “HA” stand for? It stands for “Hilarious ya Jerkhole” But that’s HJ…Sometimes you just gotta settle for the HJ. Anyway, aren’t we forgetting something? AH!  Don’t trust a knuckleballer.

Carlos Carrasco – 6.0 IP, 2 ER, 10 Hits, 1 BBs, 8 Ks.  Two steps forward and one step back. Stupid .529 BABIP and a longball ruining everything. Whatever, still love him.

Ricky Nolasco – 6.0 IP, 3 ER, 7 Hits, 1 BBs, 5 Ks. Good try Ricky, you’re not getting my Bud Light.

Sean Manaea – 4.1 IP, 2 ER, 4 Hits, 1 BBs, 5 Ks. The main story here was the Manaea was pulled with a strained forearm. Welp, at least it wasn’t one of the big prospects.

Wei-Yin Chen – 6.0 IP, 4 ER, 7 Hits, 1 BBs, 7 Ks. Ugh, Chen has been pretty disappointing this season and his floor is falling like a house built on quicksand, which I recognize is not nearly as common of a cause of death as young me anticipated.

Mike Bolsinger – 4.2 IP, 3 ER, 5 Hits, 0 BBs, 5 Ks. Blegh. Bolsinger was a decent Toby last year but then again Keuchel was also a Cy Young winner.  :(

Chase Anderson – 5.0 IP, 4 ER, 5 Hits, 2 BBs, 5 Ks. So we dropped Anderson after his last few streams, right? That was the plan, you know.

Kyle Hendricks – 5.1 IP, 3 ER, 6 Hits, 4 BBs, 4 Ks. Awwww, I elevated Hendricks quite a bit today and he repays me with this stupid outing.  It’s stupid, stop being stupid ya stupid stoop.  I’m not immature, I swear. He’s the stupid one.

Matt Cain – 3.2 IP, 3 ER, 5 Hits, 5 BBs, 3 Ks. Our super duper reluctant Call Boy was pretty much as bad as Cain normally is. I don’t know what I expected.

Jered Weaver – 6.0 IP, 5 ER, 8 Hits, 2 BBs, 4 Ks. I’m shocked the game was completed in under three hours since it takes a minute for each of Weaver’s Fastballs to make it to home.  Yeah, good one Nick! Uh oh, am I trapped in one of those 90s movies featuring a protagonist that’s getting bullied with insultingly bad insults and has to result to super lame tactics to get his revenge?  NOOOOOOOOOOO.  That’s a 2005 movie.  Touché.

Aaron Blair – 5.0 IP, 6 ER, 4 Hits, 4 BBs, 3 Ks. Starting Aaron is like making a feature film for under $60,000 and expecting it to work out like some Witch Project.  Why would anyone think that?

Daniel Wright – 3.0 IP, 3 ER, 6 Hits, 1 BBs, 0 Ks. I had to do a double take and make sure this wasn’t David labeling himself the starting pitcher as Terry Collins is absent. But seriously, it was Wright’s second career start, and it really makes you think. Do two wrong Wrights make a right Wright? I guess so, simple math, really.

Matt Boyd – 4.1 IP, 6 ER, 7 Hits, 2 BBs, 3 Ks. Yep, still Boyd watching.

Colin Rea – 2.2 IP, 6 ER, 9 Hits, 2 BBs, 4 Ks. Is this Fantasy? Nah, just Rea life.

Cesar Ramos – 3.2 IP, 6 ER, 8 Hits, 5 BBs, 1 Ks. HEY NICK! Yeah, what’s up Frank? Are we in Soviet Russia? Ummm, no, why would you say that? Because maybe that’s where Cesar backstabs you. Oh god, I hate I invited you. Sick party dude, got anymore Natty Ice? Did we ever have Natty Ice? No. Then, no. No we don’t. K, sick party.

Today’s Streamers

Martin Perez vs. Oakland Athletics – Perez is a BABIP lover who has managed a 3.22 ERA this year, and in a blegh day for streamers, this is your best option. There’s also Jameson Taillon going against the Mets again if someone he hasn’t been picked up yet. Do that now, by the way. Worse comes to worse, there’s also Tom Koehler vs. the Padres, but that’s pretty dang desperate.

Tomorrow’s Streamer

Anthony DeSclafani vs. Atlanta Braves – If he’s still around in your league, go grab him for this start. Few options today (Nate Karns against the Rays works, but he’s most likely taken), and Tony Disco is your best shot. 

Day After Tomorrow’s Streamer 

J.A. Happ vs. Philadelphia Phillies – There are a decent amount of options – Scott Kazmir vs. Milwaukee, Hisashi Iwakuma vs. Tampa, and even Colby Lewis against Oakland for the deep stream (still hate him, though) – but Happ is the one that’s probably unowned at the moment.

Game of the Day

Madison Bumgarner vs. Matt Garza – While I’ll definitely enjoy watching Bumgarner take his chances at double digit Ks against the Brew Crew, I’m kinda hoping Garza gives us some more comedy gold.

Nick Pollack

Founder of Pitcher List. Creator of CSW, The List, and SP Roundup. Worked with MSG, FanGraphs, CBS Sports, and Washington Post. Former college pitcher, travel coach, pitching coach, and Brandeis alum. Wants every pitcher to be dope.

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