Mr. Floor himself Dallas Keuchel, the man who seemed like a lock for the AL Cy Young had a shaky start last night as the Astros looked to him for assistance as they relinquished their division lead. Shaky isn’t the right word as his line was 4.2 IP, 9 ER, 11 Hits, 0 BBs, 4 Ks. I think a better word is atrocious. Disappointing. Horrific. Abysmal. Felix. He allowed a pair of HRs en route to a six-run first inning, and never got into that groove he so often gets into. You know, one of the 48 classic grooves you own across that three-disc set you bought for a low, low price of $29.99. It’s the final weeks of the season and I want to make sure you don’t go doing something stupid here. Keuchel just had one of those bumps. It happens to the best of em – Kershaw had a 7 ER start last year in under 2 IP – and just move along. Hope it didn’t cut your season slightly short.
Let’s see what every other SP did yesterday:
Alex Wood – 8.0 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hits, 0 BBs, 5 Ks. Here’s the wood I’ve been looking for all year. I didn’t know you were into that. Dude, not now. I don’t trust it though, and would protect myself from exposure as it gets late. You really couldn’t resist, could you. Nope, guilty as charged.
Adam Conley – 7.0 IP, 0 ER, 3 Hits, 0 BBs, 6 Ks. For those with textbooks, please turn to page 231 and start with the paragraph labeled A One Night Bland.
Henry Owens – 7.2 IP, 0 ER, 6 Hits, 0 BBs, 4 Ks. So Owens has the finesse quality about him that can do starts like these from time to time, but unfortunately – unlike most finesse guys – it’s too inconsistent for not enough upside. Womp womp.
Danny Salazar – 7.0 IP, 1 ER, 4 Hits, 2 BBs, 6 Ks. Okay, cool. KC has done a good job of not ruining nights for pitchers lately, and Salazar was able to get a piece of dat sweet pie. I really don’t mean to sound sleazy at all, I think it’s the weird V-neck I’m wearing right now. Don’t ask why I own it and its luscious texture.
Hisashi Iwakuma – 6.0 IP, 1 ER, 4 Hits, 0 BBs, 9 Ks. Iwakuma is a guy that many are going to look back at 2015 and say “Whoa, was he really that good?!” In his last 12 starts – not including this one – Iwakuma had a 3.22 ERA with a minute 1.89 BB/9 and a decent 7.67 K/9. Those are SP 3/4 numbers for a guy that you probably picked up off the wire before he returned from the DL. I see him as a solid pickup near the 150th pick or so next year.
Gio Gonzalez – 7.0 IP, 2 ER, 5 Hits, 2 BBs, 12 Ks. What’s gotten into you Gio? Out of the blue you’ve now collected double-digit strikeouts in 2 of 3 games…Oh wait a sec. The first game was against the Braves, this one against the Phils…Oh no, Nick DON’T MAKE ME DO IT. You can’t stop me. Please don’t. YOU CAN’T STOP ME. Ahem. Blame it on the Phillies.
Jake Arrieta – 8.0 IP, 1 ER, 6 Hits, 1 BBs, 5 Ks. Aces gonna ace but with slightly fewer Ks than normal. Whatever you’re still bursting with happiness after snagging Arrieta in the 6th round.
David Price – 7.0 IP, 1 ER, 6 Hits, 3 BBs, 9 Ks. Aces gonna pretty much ace. Sure it’s a little more Whipin’ than you want but whatever. It’s pretty ace.
Jorge De La Rosa – 8.0 IP, 2 ER, 6 Hits, 1 BBs, 5 Ks. De La Rosa has limited upside, pitches his home games at Coors Field, and doesn’t deserve a spot on your team. This should be the blurb for every Colorado starter.
Ervin Santana – 7.0 IP, 2 ER, 4 Hits, 4 BBs, 5 Ks. Our Call Boy was alright and had the Win intact until Jepsen blew it in the 9th. Well that’s stupid.
Daniel Norris – 3.2 IP, 1 ER, 1 Hits, 0 BBs, 4 Ks. Norris had a 50 pitch count coming off the DL and he looked good. He’ll get the ChiSox and Rangers next, which I’m 50/50 on endorsing. Well the Rangers are a top 10 offense in the 2nd half so ixnay on that.
Chris Archer – 6.0 IP, 2 ER, 4 Hits, 4 BBs, 7 Ks. You know, it’s been a little while since Archer has really impressed me. Okay that’s a lie, he did so five starts ago in a CGSHO over the Astros with 11 Ks. But I want more Archer! MORE.
Luis Severino – 5.2 IP, 1 ER, 6 Hits, 1 BBs, 7 Ks. I should have never doubt you Severino. I’m sorry, I’m sorry!
Martin Perez – 7.0 IP, 1 ER, 9 Hits, 1 BBs, 3 Ks. It’s just so boring. Bad WHIP, Bad Ks, Papa Johns. Yes that’s one of my favorite jokes around. No I’m not going to stop using it.
Jake Peavy – 6.0 IP, 2 ER, 7 Hits, 1 BBs, 8 Ks. Should I be giving Peavy more love? Nope. It’s only the 2nd time all season that he’s had more than 6 Ks and he had an ERA of 4.71 in six starts before this.
Andrew Cashner – 7.0 IP, 3 ER, 7 Hits, 2 BBs, 6 Ks. Don’t care, Cashed Out.
A.J. Burnett – 5.1 IP, 2 ER, 8 Hits, 1 BBs, 7 Ks. I’m impressed with Burnett here, but not too much since the Cubs are far-and-away the most strikeout prone team in the majors.
Erik Johnson – 6.0 IP, 3 ER, 6 Hits, 3 BBs, 3 Ks. Blegh. So the Ks don’t shock me too much, but he looked a lot more polished than this in his 2015 debut. Sure, a 2-run HR in the sixth made this look worse, but I expected a little better against the A’s. Regardless, I’ve always seen Johnson as a Toby, you know a boring decent floor guy without all too much upside. If that sounds fun for you, cool, jump on board. I’m soooo happy for you.
Jaime Garcia – 6.1 IP, 4 ER, 8 Hits, 1 BBs, 4 Ks. So the walks disappeared, but then ran into trouble in the fourth and his night went into the toilet after a 3 run shot. If some owner doesn’t plan ahead, Garcia has three solid starts left – Cincinnati, Milwaukee, Atlanta – and it’s hard not to love it.
Bartolo Colon – 5.2 IP, 3 ER, 7 Hits, 1 BBs, 2 Ks. Yeah, this is the Colon I expect when he’s not feasting off the NL Easy teams…except this was against Miami. So you don’t even get that bonus. Bummer.
Jered Weaver – 4.2 IP, 3 ER, 6 Hits, 1 BBs, 3 Ks. You’ve been so good resisting Weaver’s odd seduction all season, why give in now? But seriously, imagining Weaver as a seductive player is like wondering how all those women found Seinfeld attractive.
Alec Asher – 5.0 IP, 4 ER, 7 Hits, 1 BBs, 4 Ks. Asher’s goal in life is to prove to that owl how many licks it really takes. Just Alec.
Robbie Ray – 4.2 IP, 4 ER, 6 Hits, 3 BBs, 4 Ks. Ray is an intriguing young gun who still has a bunch of polish chilling on the backburner (does that even make any sense), but there is upside here that I’ll be curious to follow next season. I don’t forsee a major breakout as the consistency just isn’t there, but he could showcase some 50s value in 2016.
Michael Lorenzen – 3.0 IP, 3 ER, 6 Hits, 1 BBs, 1 Ks. This rook doesn’t deserve to be incorrectly called a castle.
Danny Duffy – 2.1 IP, 4 ER, 6 Hits, 2 BBs, 3 Ks. The wrong Duff Man.
Wily Peralta – 4.0 IP, 5 ER, 6 Hits, 2 BBs, 2 Ks. After a small collection of starts that made you consider rolling with him, I’m glad Peralta finally came out of the shadows. I couldn’t take the guilt any longer!
Shelby Miller – 3.2 IP, 4 ER, 7 Hits, 2 BBs, 3 Ks. Miller against Toronto didn’t seem like the time for Shelby to break his incessant win-less streak. BUT WE WERE WRONG. Oh wait, no. We weren’t.
Mike Wright – 3.0 IP, 6 ER, 6 Hits, 1 BBs, 1 Ks. This ship ain’t going to get Wrighted anytime soon. Shhhhh it’s late.
Cody Martin – 3.0 IP, 6 ER, 6 Hits, 3 BBs, 2 Ks. Cody and Martin guitars are very much alike. Customers look to them for the bottom end.
Chris Tillman vs. Tampa Bay Rays – Blegh. Seriously, the only other options are Charlie Morton vs. the Cubs, Tanner Roark vs. Miami and Hector Santiago vs. Minnesota. There are all shaky pitchers in their own right, so give me the guy against the worst team…the Rays.