Dynasty
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Dynasty
Nastiest GIFs
The List

Baseball Superlatives: Week Four

Scott Boras Sends The Shadow Army After Trevor Bauer

Ben Ellenberg
We Love Baseball 8/16/2020

Hello! Welcome to Superlatives. A weekly roundup post where we hand out some superlatives and awards for the previous week in baseball. 

 

Lords Of The Salt Mines: For Whoever Needs To Let It All Out 

Red Sox Fans Again

 

On Thursday, August 13th, Mookie Betts tied the record for most three-homer games in baseball history. 

He did this at age 27. The record took him 813 games, while Sammy Sosa and Johnny Mize did it in 2,354 and 1,884 games respectively. 

Eagle-eyed readers may note that Mookie Betts was actually traded to the Dodgers this offseason by the Red Sox. Let’s see how their Thursday went. 

Yikes. 

For added yikes, the Red Sox have been on a 6-game losing streak. Over those 6 games, they have had 63 runs dropped on them. Now, unless Mookie Betts was secretly sitting on an absolutely filthy curveball, he probably wouldn’t have changed the season for the Red Sox this year. 

But, again, yikes. Call a Red Sox fan friend of yours. Don’t console us, we don’t deserve it. But, you know, reach out. Maybe just do us a favor and tell us you really like Xander Bogaerts. 

 

 

Longest Car Ride Home 

For The Best End To A Game 

In This House, We Stan The Defensive Walkoff

 

At the top of the 9th inning, the San Diego Padres managed to plate 3 runs to turn it into a 1-run game at the Arizona Diamondbacks. With a runner on first and two outs, it all came down Jurickson Profar. And then the magic happened. 

We give a lot of air time to walkoff home runs, and we give decent credit to game ending strikeouts, but we don’t see enough walkoff defense to really give it the proper due it deserves. Because let me tell you, walkoff defense rocks. 

 

The Manfred Conspiracy Corner

Best Conspiracy Of The Week

Scott Boras Sends The Shadow Army After Trevor Bauer 

 

I don’t really know what’s going on here. It feels vaguely like a rejected plot from a Writers’ Strike season of Ballers, but apparently Trevor Bauer declared that he would be vlogging the Cincinnati Reds’ COVID-19 protocols in the face of a potential positive test having just been reported. 

And then four hours later, he tweeted this: 

 

I know this piece is meant to highlight fun things that happened IN BASEBALL this week, but it’s also a tribute to the Weird Stuff, and a Cincinnati Reds ace feuding with the shadow minions of a power broker super agent over whether or not he can vlog about pandemic testing is… I mean that’s weird, right? That’s like, super weird. 

Someone check on Trevor Bauer. I don’t think Scott Boras is going to hurt him, but he may get him a $300m deal with the Yankees just to flex.

 

 

Most Fun 

For Whatever’s The Most Fun Thing

The Dodgers Have A Cushy Schedule Ahead

I’m sorry. I’m still twelve years old. 

 

40 Year Old Cruzin’ 

For The Oldest Guys Hitting Giant Home Runs

Nelson Cruz Wants Everyone Off His Lawn 

 

Nelson Cruz came here to crush two things: AARP-discount early-bird IHOP pancakes and absolute moonshots. 

Good thing this was an afternoon game. 

This is unrelated, but he also took batting practice looking like this a while back. I didn’t have a good enough reason to mention it before, but it just feels important to shoutout Dominican Iron Man. 

My hero. 

 

 

Fewest Hits

For The Least Amount Of Hits 

We Got Our First No-Hitter Of The Season! In Japan! 

 

Congratulations to Yakult Swallows right-hander Yasuhiro Ogawa on throwing the first no-hitter of the baseball season in a 9-0 win over the DeNA BayStars. Ogawa recorded 10 strikeouts and 3 walks en route to picking up the no-no. Meanwhile, in boring old America, we’re just excited to see the St. Louis Cardinals play their 6th game of baseball by mid-August.  

 

Babiest Ruth

For Best Shot Called 

Zack Greinke Hates Spoiler Alerts

 

At the top of the 7th inning on Wednesday, Greinke decided to mix things up a little bit. He looks around as if he has a secret to tell someone, then shouts “second sign after one” into an empty stadium. 

This is the absolute apex psych-out move. The way he does it, I’m convinced he just hates signs and doesn’t want to deal with them anymore. This is LeBron shooting with his left hand just to see if he can still feel something during a game. 

This all drives toward one point, which is that I have never been able to figure out if Zack Greinke doesn’t care at all, or he cares so much and so hard that he’s just caring on a plane of existence we can’t perceive. I think the man hates baseball, and he’s actually just trying to play it so hard it stops being a thing. 

 

Zack Greinke scowling through a mask in the stands surrounded by cutouts of children in Oakland A’s gear is the vibe of the season. You can get this fit for the low low cost of some cardboard cutouts and a burning hatred for the game of baseball. 

 

 

Having The Time Of Their Lives 

For Something Unpredictable, But In The End It’s Right. 

The NL Central Is Very Weird 

 

Last week we looked at the weird standings of the NL East and boy was that weird. Probably the kookiest standings in the MLB, right? 

Wrong. The 4-win Cardinals are 3.5 games behind the 13-win Cubs. Keep it weird out there. 

 

The Mariners World Series Report
A Slight Hiccup 

 

Previous Odds: 150%

Current Odds: 100% 

Percentage Change: -50% 

Vegas Odds: 250/1 

Not great. 

Ben Ellenberg

Ben lives in Los Angeles and is almost always thinking about Tony Gwynn stuff.

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